african token

Famia performs a spoken word poem at Stanford University in El Centro Chicano. The piece mixes identity politics and comedy to explode stereotypes about "Africanness."

ukujaiva

you know i'm bad in new york

Mhathabheleeland

Solusi

Plumtree Boarder Post

9th Avenue

Food 4 Less

TM Hyper

Khami Road

The Return of the Zulu Guy

S'busiso drives into a service station in his battered bakkie, clad in shorts, all stars (that come up to the knees), funky beard and i -sporty. He hands the coloured attendant the keys complete with a beautiful Tupac key ring.

Sbu: "Gcwalisa mfethu, i-Super"
Attendant: "How much?"

Sbu: Hayi bo, ngithe gcwalisa mos."

Attendant: "I only speak English!"

Sbu: "No problem. Good day to you Sir. I currently feel a profound desire to replenish the propellant of my motorised vehicle. Therefore, I cordially request you to transfer, from your subterranean reservoir, a sufficient quantity of the combustible fluid of the highest octane rating to fill the appropriate receptacle of the said means of perambulation to the brim."

Attendant: "Hau?"

Sbu: "Do you have a problem Sir? I thought you said you speak English?"

Attendant: "English that is not English!"

Sbu: "My dear Sir, are you veritably attempting to insinuate that you do not even recognise the language which you allege to be your singular means of communication?"

Attendant: "Hau?"

Sbu: "Let me attempt to elucidate in the most elementary terms; your paltry grasp of English vernacular is frittering away the time at my disposal or as I would put it in a civilised intelligible language, ungazong' jwayela wena msundulo, uthi ufrostana i-English kuphela,mara ungimoshela is'khathi sami, awuzwa FOKOL. Gcwalisa lapho wena mhlathi wakho! Uyangifrostana?"

Attendant: "Yh! Yh! Yah! Yah mfethu. ngigcwalise neh? Ngiyakuzwa"

Sbu: "Sho!"

guqa ngamadolo

what's a springbok?

If you're African you'll get it!

Click here and see for yourself.

112 - peaches and cream

He can fly...

Christmas Day 2005: Plettenburg Baai, South Africa

My younger brother doing his stunts on the beach. "I believe I can fly...."
This is why I love my camera.

Bobenomics

A brief Introduction to the Zimbabwe Theory of Quantum Mathematics Also known as
Bobenomics

The day is very hot and you are passing the Keg and Sable in Borrowdale, so naturally you go in for a nice cold beer. The barman informs you that

One beer

now costs

150 000 Zimbabwe dollars

You can pay with three crisp new $50 000 notes, still damp from the printing press. Or, if you are feeling a bit bloody-minded, and if you can still source the coins ( remember those things : they were still quite common a few years ago ) you can sit back and enjoy a beer while the barman counts out
15 000 000 Zimbabwe one cent coins
But hold it ! We have a problem.
Each Zim one cent coin weighs 3 grams
So this little lot weighs in at
45 000 000 grams
or

45 000 kgs
or

45 Tonnes

After humping 45 tonnes of coins into the pub you are going to need a helluva lot more than one beer to cool down. But don't panic - we have a plan. Like all brilliant ideas this one relies entirely on its simplicity.

Plan B : We sell the metal and drink the proceeds
There is a small legal question about smelting coin of the realm and exporting the resulting brass ingots. However we'll let the buyer worry about that one. There doesn't seem to be an international price for brass. Its main ingredient, copper, has recently been selling for an all-time high of US $ 5 200 a tonne on the London Metal Exchange, but we won't be greedy. For a quick sale let's discount it to U S $ 2 600 a tonne We are now the proud owners of U S $ 117 000
But we still can't buy that beer as the Keg is only allowed to accept Zimbabwe currency. We must resist the temptation to change our money on the lucrative but illegal black market ( only the Governor of the Reserve Bank and Cabinet Ministers are allowed to do that ) So we change at the prevailing interbank mid rate which is

U S $ 1 : Zim $ 99 201,58

Our heap of U S green-backs now miraculously becomes a mountain of

Zim $ 11 606 584 860

For the uninitiated the billions start at the tenth figure, counting from the right.
So if the price of beer has not increased while we were doing this calculation you can now walk back into the Keg and order

77 377 beers !


HAPPY DRINKING

P S For current inflationary reasons it is advisable to review these figures on a daily basis.

a bridge to cross

san francisco bay bridge

photo blog

i was actually thinking of turning this into a photo blog. got a new toy this weekend, ergo took plenty plus foto pikitsha's.

Hello!

I'm posting this just cause I can....not entirely sure what I'm supposed to write about....but i guess mpenseli shall explain in due course.

I could get into trouble for this...but I thought it might make a few people smile....

Subject: What will happen if South Africa is attacked in a 9/11 style attack?

Well.... it can't realistically happen! That's because in S.A we are much better prepared for these kinds of attacks...

No. 1. We do not construct exaggerated elevated high-rise buildings these days; squatter camps and duplexes are the order of the day.

No 2. We ALL get stuck in traffic in the morning, so at 8.45am the buildings would still be empty.

No. 3. Our prestigious fire fighters and police officers will do their utmost not to get to the spot in time, and will arrive loud and clear just after everything is over, so there will be no casualties amongst them.

No. 4. Johannesburg International Airport would surely have fouled up the terrorist's plans by delaying the planes.

No. 5. A South African would never let a terrorist hijack a plane. He would tell him "Jou ma se p..", beat him up, rob him and the word would spread about how bad he got it, quicker than a CNN/BBC broadcast. (later, he will also be used for police dog training).

No. 6. A South African would not have used his cell phone to call home (NO WAYS); more efficiently he will rather send a "Please call me". A cell phone is used to defend oneself. A REAL South African would have hit the terrorist over the head with it...then steal his terrorist weapons and sell it for dagga money

AND FINALLY:If a terrorist ever lived in South Africa for one year and one year only, he would have been robbed and molested so many times that he would have given up and gone back home a long time ago...then get shot in the taxi, get robbed of his passport and credit cards, attempt to flee the gunfire, and get arrested by the cops later for vagrancy.
You see in South Africa, we are well prepared.
We are proudly South African!

in my boredom

i'm trying to figure out a template. have a headache and will stop torturing myself.

blog for us too!

let's see if this works. i'm inviting people from southern africa to join me in this blog. let's love each and become bloggers together.

to become an active contributor just email me and we'll get started.